My Testimony of Saving Faith

No one has “always been a Christian.” No one is ever born saved. As a teenager, when someone asked me when I became a Christian, and I said, “I’ve always been one,” well… that was wrong. I didn’t know it then, but the reality of my situation was that I wasn’t a Christian. Knowing about Jesus and actually knowing Him are two very, very different things. As it turns out, I was on the wrong side of that line. I needed someone to show me that. To say it directly to my face. And that is what big brothers are for :)

My sophomore year of college was a mess. Drinking, partying, and drugs here and there for fun. Typical college depravity lifestyle. What you see on the outside is one thing and there is always more than what meets the eye. This lifestyle has consequences and in my immaturity I did not see them coming. My uncle once described me as “idealistically naive,” and before my sophomore year of college, I was exactly that. But by Christmas break my perspective would change.

I was let in on the harsh reality of life apart from Jesus when I discovered the tole that this party lifestyle could take on someone. My roommate spiraled into severe mental health decline and I had a front-row seat. Ultimately, she attempted to take her own life. I found her when I returned home that evening and I rushed her to the ER in a panic. They wheeled her through the double doors and I stumbled back out to the front entrance and crumpled on the grass.

She would go on a long recovery journey, and the rest of that story is hers to tell.

I stayed with my big brother that night and began the process of processing, if you will. He had been recently introduced to Jesus — the real Jesus— and had been planting seeds in me for weeks at this point.

I was a bit wishy-washy and not convinced that I had a whole lot to change. I have always believed in Jesus you see, so you could say that I was a bit confused when I was told that wasn’t enough. A campus evangelist told me what repentance was, and as strange as it is, that was the first time I actually heard that word. The Holy Spirit worked that word deep into my heart and began to teach me.

My brother and I started attending church and seeking the life Christ had promised. I saw that there was another way, a better way, His way. And how far off I was from His design. I felt wholly unworthy of Christ as the weight of my sin sank in. But that is why my hope is found in Him. He is worthy, He is sufficient for me. He forgave me, and His grace is enough.

I wish I could say that after giving Him my life that year, that I have only ever sought Him, and my life has progressed in an upward linear fashion (lol), but that would be a lie.

I have had many ups and downs. I have struggled against sin and failed time and time again since then. I have been hurt and betrayed and felt lost and confused. Following Jesus is not a guarantee for prosperity, as many would assume. Like silver is refined by melting it down, so the trials of life are a refining fire for those who believe. So, no, my life has not been free from pain since then, but my pain has a purpose because God does not waste it.

Yet, amidst the hardships of life, there is abundant blessing. I sit here and write this as my baby naps downstairs and my toddler reads his mini Bible on the couch. My husband will be walking through the front door soon for his lunch break and I recognize again that these gifts from God are what define a “rich” life. We aren’t defined by the pain we suffer but by the God we serve.

A righteous man falls seven times but rises again eight. And thanks to the strength I find in Him, I will continue to rise and endure to the end.